Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
