im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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