stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
