oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
