It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
