so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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