he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
not ubering you a puppy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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