Your tits are I can't wait for
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
