R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
