Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
