3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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