i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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