did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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