maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
