Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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