my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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