Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
