Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
