i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
