Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
