I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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