I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
