i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
