I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
