it hurts more in the daytime
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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