It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
