I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
