We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
