Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
