My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
