Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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