Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
