What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
