Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
