You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
