i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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