I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
