Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
