What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
