Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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