If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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