ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
