Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
