i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
