9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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