There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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