what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
