i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish my penis had a tongue
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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