i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
