And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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