you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
