First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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