I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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