I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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